Kudos!

Finally, I have graduated in high school! Every day for the past four years, I woke up trying to muster as much strength as I can to face another day, to learn the wonders of life and to write a new chapter in my life. I spent every waking day with some of the most wonderful people I have met who have imparted stories, values, and gossip with me. I shared my experiences with them whether on a school day or on breaks, on parties, on practices, and on outings. High school for me has been a surreal feeling. I never though I would get through it whole, but here I am and I am so blessed to have memories and reveries to turn to and people to be with in my best moments and my saddest ones. For the rest of my life, I will never forget each person who has made an impact in my life one way or another.

It just dawned on me that I am now leaving a very important part of my life and moving on to the next. I didn't cry on the night of our graduation. I was actually all smiles that night. But I hugged every person who has given me inspiration and has spent some time with me even though they have more significant matters to take care of. I will never forget them. I am not really an emotional person but when it comes down to it, I am really, truly affected - my heart breaks and I cry on the inside. Looking back to those moments where I was down and out, there were those people whom I can call and talk to and they would make me feel better. 

For the most part, my senior year wasn't all that great. Yeah I was breaking out of my shell, opening up myself to other people, trying to socialize with them but there were really certain things I reserved for myself. Deep inside, I knew that there was something misplaced or missing. So, I was soul-searching. As crazy as the idea of moving out of my way to find answers especially during the final lap of the race, I took that risk so that I will be able to run the last bits of the race with a content heart and a sense of fulfillment. I know most of the closest people around me would not understand why I did that, but in time, certain things will be revealed to each one of us and that I hope would be enough to explain why certain actions were done. The honor that we will receive is a fleeting memory but what we will hold on to for the rest of our lives is the bond that we have with our friends and classmates. Relationships will be restored and pain will be eased. Whatever the outcomes were, let us learn to let it go and to begin a new life, a new journey. 

But anyway, all of that is in the past - it's done! Now, we can just let go of all the pressure of high school life and just enjoy the time we have for ourselves and for our family. But never forget about the times when we shared something special among us, that in those times, we were one big, maybe sometimes dysfunctional, but all in all, a happy family. So I congratulate all graduates of MSHS Batch 2013! Go for the gold! And I also would like to say kudos to all graduates of 2013!!

"Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ask, Seek, Knock

This morning, I happened to stumble upon a hanging ornament of sorts in front of the door which bears a written poem titled "Ask, Seek, Knock". Since I fancied it, I am going to share this one to you. Hope it gives you enlightenment just as it had given me.

Ask, Seek, Knock

I got up early one morning and rushed right

into the day;

I had so much to accomplish that I didn't

have time to pray.

Problems just tumbled about me, and heavier

came each task.

"Why doesn't God help me?", I wandered.

He answered, "You didn't ask."

I wanted to see joy and beauty, but the day

tolled on gray and bleak;

I wondered why God didn't show me;

He said, "But you didn't seek."

I tried to come into God's presence;

I used all my keys at the lock;

God gently and lovingly chided,

"My child, you didn't knock."

I woke up early this morning, and pause

before entering the day;

I had so much to accomplish that I had

to take time to pray.

Have a blessed day!

The Other Side of the Street

For most students, today marks  the start of their long-awaited semestral break where they can spend most of their time whether at home or any other place without having to worry about school. For others, however, a long, unproductive week has passed and perhaps cut short for them. But, everything is the same for me since I spent most of this "break" at school.

Today was no different from the other days. Except that it is raining. So, as I thought that we had some sort of meeting in school, I went only to find out that it was cancelled because there is a typhoon today. Reasonable enough I guess. Anyway, I decided to go home. I started walking along the Padre Faura Street on the side of the Supreme Court. I usually walked along the other side but this time, I decided to change it up a bit. Then it took a turn of events.

As I neared Robinsons, a guy came up to me asking for some money. He was probably in his late teens or early twenties and he was wearing a loose, black shirt and blue maong shorts. He literally looked the typical gangster member who was set out to steal some money off a kid walking alone in the street. But I wasn't alone.

At that moment I thought that it was a syndicate and with that, I quickened my pace. Then he placed his arm around my shoulders and he started monologuing - seriously, I did not pay any attention to what he was saying because I was already thinking of some way to escape him. I also saw another guy who was following closely behind him which convinced me that this was some modus operandi and I can feel my heart pumping gallons of blood. It was fight or flight.

I tried many times to buzz him off and to get rid of his arm around my neck but that guy was persistent. The normal, "I don't talk to strangers" would not work with this guy. He really wanted to get some money but then I blurted, "I don't have any money" and by then, he stopped. I walked straight ahead as quickly as I can. I actually thought of going inside Robinsons but at that point, I just wanted to go home. To tell you the truth, after I said that to him and finally removed his hand from my shoulder, I was waiting for him to stab me or to shoot me but thankfully he did not and he did not try to pursue me any more.

I looked over my shoulder and saw that he wasn't following which was a relief. But to think that he could have injured me right there and then, it was very terrifying. I am so thankful to God that I wasn't hurt or anything. I was close to giving him some money but I shrug that thought off my head because he might actually steal my wallet as I get the money. I did not want to take that risk. The next time I meet that guy or when some random person goes up to me, asking for some money, I would be prepared (I'll be loading some guns already).

Poverty has definitely stricken the urban communities in the Philippines the most. Every day, as I go to school, I see many people sleeping on the sidewalk or under the railway or on the street. Beggars wander in the streets hoping to get a few coins in their small, plastic cups or tattered clothing. Little children, bare and helpless, run around the pavement - their only source of enjoyment - waiting for who-knows-what to happen. Then they will soon realize the cruelty of the world they live in and they have to toughen themselves up to survive. Hunger and thirst force them to commit crimes. It is a pity that they have to resort to such acts but what else can they do? They have no other choice. It is either they do it to live for another day or they will just die.

My experience has definitely taught me a lot. For one, always be vigilant. You don't know what can happen. I don't know what other implications there are but hopefully the government will address the problems of our society. I don't want to live my life in fear. Wouldn't it be great to live in a crime-free country? No constant threats or dangers to your life. Remember that it all starts with each one of us. 

On Les Misérables

Just recently, I had finished reading Victor Hugo's world-renowned novel "Les Misérables" or Les Mis for short. To anyone who wants to renew their view on life and humanity as a whole, I recommend you to read this novel - it definitely helped me regain my passion for reading and writing but it also gave me fresh ideas that I would like to tap into. However, before you read it or do anything with the book, you need to be prepared in the sense that you need to have an understanding of the human essence and you need to sit through more than 1,000 pages of the book - patience is a must. The book I read was somewhat abridged but it still contained the fullness of the story and the emotions that are brought about with it. But, if you want to get the whole gist of the fantastic journey of Jean Valjean, then read the 2,000-page novel if you have the time. This novel has truly deeply moved me and touched me. I actually have a last song syndrome on "I Dreamed a Dream" and I still keep on singing it.

This novel goes deep into the heart of man. It tugs at your emotions as if there is a divine force that just moves one's core. There are many moments in the book where you would feel pity and guilt. It is in these moments that life will be unfolded before your eyes. This is not a mere drama. This novel exemplifies the idea of my blog, "Living in Angst". This is the story of a poor, old soul getting back his youth through love. I promise you that by the end of the book, you would have wept buckets, if not then I do not know whether you're human or not. But to put it simply, the author wants to reveal what compassion and love can do to a hardened soul. Since this was written in a time of blood and sorrow, what people need is hope. Through this novel, the author was able to bring hope not only for his men but for millions of people, spanning generations.

Les Mis is an awe-inspiring, tear-jerking, heart-tugging story telling us the wickedness of the world we live in; that in it one cannot live as a human being because he is a wretch, a convict, a criminal, an outcast or because of his miserable state; that he has no choice but to live outside the boundaries of society because of the labels imprinted on him. But this story also tells us that THERE IS HOPE. Even if a man's heart turns to stone, even if he hates his whole existence, there is hope that he will change. Life is not as vile as many people think. I remember a line from the Lord of the Rings when Frodo asked Sam what they were holding on to and his answer was: "...that there is some good in this world." I believe that even if the core of the earth grumbles and roars, there is a place of solace in our world. It may not be some Eden, it may not even be a physical place but I believe there is such a place.

Actually, reading Les Mis is just a requirement given to us in our English class and many of us can breathe a sigh of relief because the test on Les Mis is done. But does it end there? In and of itself, life is a war and the world is a battlefield. Everyday, we face difficult adversities; they are like giants that loom on us. When push comes to shove, man goes to war. That is what happened in the book which is a historical event per se. But it is not only a struggle of violence that goes on in this world. Each one of us has an internal battle just as the characters of Les Mis do. There are unseen forces that we have to fight against. People in history fought for freedom, liberty, and for hope that there is something better for them. Jean Valjean fought for integrity, justice, and truth. How about you? What are you fighting for?


P.S. I would like to hear from the readers what they think. Also, a movie adaptation of Les Misérables is coming this December featuring Hugh Jackman, Russell Crowe, Anne Hathaway, and Amanda Seyfried. I would recommend watching the movie. 

Beaming

I'm back! It's been a long time. I actually thought of closing this blog but I decided not to. To tell you the truth, the reason why I wanted to do this in the first place is to set the platform for me to become a freelance writer and to make an income out of it. But now, I have realized that I should write because it makes me come alive.

Writing is my passion. Over the past months, I have had an internal struggle which concerns my identity as a writer. As I have learned, a writer has his own personal voice that infuses with his personality to express how and what he feels about the things going on around him. I had to go through many setbacks and disappointments regarding my writing style - I just did not feel that my writing was good enough. After I attended a writing workshop, a spark lit that rejuvenated my whole being and that rekindled my passion for writing. I rediscovered myself and the purpose why I write - I write just for the fun of it. I write because I live and I want to express myself. I want to breathe through my writing. I want to speak through my writing since I rarely have the chance to address myself to a large number of people and what other way to do it but through the internet where millions go to everyday, more frequently than eating, sleeping, or bathing.

With that, I am going to be posting this poem I wrote for our humanities class which talks about the dark secrets of our past. The twist is - no, actually I want you to find what's so special about the poems that our teacher made us do. Also, I do like to get in touch with you, the reader, so if you have any thoughts, feedback, comments, and/or opinions, please do make use of the comment box below the posts. Here's the poem:

Beaming
By: ME

Much sorrow and pain from the heavens did I gain,

    as my lips touch the sky;

  when white clouds did converge and tears fell on my cheeks,

    the small rift appears, this burden I bring, why, O why?

I was but unfortunate, desolate and poor;

    in my solitude, I find no solace -

  as I lay my head down the grass, gray clouds

    started swirling, and swirling, between them,

  there was no silver lining...

Am I alone? Alone? No echo in the horizon. Morose

    and decrepit because of my fate. Fate, O Fate, why

  have you cursed me and bring me nothing but fire

    and the sword through my heart?

How will I cope? Nobody to confide. No one to console.

    To whom will my eyes turn? Who will heal my soul?

  Him alone?

    But my pain, when will it end?

Ever so slowly like

Vanity drooping from my face, my

Answers fell from the sky.

Now, my scars of the past sit

Gently, floating in flaccid dreams, in that corner

    something to turn to -

Every time I feel

Lonely.

I am now reborn; my life anew

Spanning horizons, milestones, breaking barriers.

To the end of time, to my last breath, I shall whisper,

"Adieu to my old friend, to my old smile."

:)

A Day at the Museum

It was a fine Sunday afternoon and I was walking down the pavement across the avenue toward the museum where I will meet with my friends.

I came earlier than the arranged time. So I took a seat in front of the museum cafe while the barista serves two foreigners their coffee and tobacco. To pass the time, I listened to the mellow, soothing sounds of jazz played by a jovial musician whose face was quite familiar to me though it might have been someone else that I have been thinking about. As I sat there, I contemplated on how beautiful life was. Though I have already thought so many times and are attested to by the myriad of beautiful scenery that are laid out for us on open fields, on meadows, on mountaintops, and even on top of the high-rise buildings in the splendor of a bustling, illustrious city.

Hey Dad!

It has been a while since I last posted in my blog. Recently, I have been caught up with homework and school activities which means that I have no time to keep a daily update with my blog.

Anyway, since today is a very special day, I want to make this post extra special to the people who are entitled to it.

Our fathers have stood the test of time; they have made numerous sacrifices to provide for and take care of their family. At times, they would juggle between two or three odd jobs just to make ends meet. But through it all, they continue to persevere and they deserve all the love and respect from their family.